The Art of Dressing With Confidence
Finding Confidence in Ourselves and our Fashion Choices
Introduction
“Style is – whatever you want to do, if you can do it with confidence.” George Clinton.
George Clinton’s quote opens up huge scope for possibilities, while at the same time being so very simple. He is of course talking in terms of musical style, however, the underlying principle regarding confidence is the same. It helps us to understand why carrying confidence is much more important than carrying the latest ‘it’ handbag, for example. It reminds us that we don’t always need more and that, yes, it’s okay to shop less often. And to spend less. And to own less. It reminds us that it is confidence that makes us attractive, not what our bodies look like, or how old we are.
In this blog we’re going to be talking about personal style, what it is, what it means for you and sticking with it when social and societal pressure is on and turned up to eleven. Yes, we’re going to talk about the greatest style accessory of all – confidence.
The Lightbulb Moment
Essentially there is little point in carrying the quota handbag if you find yourself not actually carrying confidence. We’re talking the kind of confidence that has little to do with items of clothing or accessories, but everything to do with mindset. That which radiates from within you. That certain something that some people seem have in bucket loads. The secret sauce.
That’s not to say that nice clothes and accessories don’t help us to feel better about ourselves, but if we’re not in the right place mentally, then this ‘feel good’ factor that we achieve from our purchases can often be short lived, and not before long we find ourselves seeking a fresh haul. Dopamine hits are fleeting. That’s why we need to grow firmer, more healthier roots in terms of our confidence.
If you do feel a little bit overwhelmed or impulsive at times when it comes to shopping, then maybe it’s time to dig a little bit deeper and take a closer look at habits and mindset.
Firstly, it’s okay to not constantly be seeking new. It’s totally okay to bypass on a trend if it’s not for you or your body-shape. Basically, if it isn’t going to make you feel great for longer than a few days / weeks of the season, then it’s a firm pass. In fact, being able to make these types of decisions comes from feeling confident in ourselves, and consequently, our fashion choices. A confidence where we don’t feel we need to submit to societal and peer pressure, or conform to expectations, particularly those evolving from the world of social media.
So, what if we could rise above all of that and emerge as our true selves, confident in our own skin and ready to step out with pride, while feeling good about our choices and who we are? Great! But how do we do that? In a world that is full of noise and influence, it can be a challenge, but here are some things to consider, to help us get closer to grasping that nettle of confidence.
Simple Steps to Help Build Your Dressing Confidence
Master Your Mindset and Cultivate Positive Self-Talk
We can master our mindset! We can cultivate one that extends way beyond the realms of fashion, and one that is a true reflection of our inner confidence and our mental health. In an increasingly fast and pressured world, we must learn to step back, get to know and be comfortable with ourselves now, and the version of ourselves that we wish to become.
“Once a belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”
I recommend trying some journaling around this and getting comfortable with you. In doing this exercise, try to recognise or identify any negative self-talk and replace it immediately with something positive. Remember, negative thoughts are not based on actual fact, and our brain believes what we tell it. So, check how you speak to yourself. Create affirmations. Try to cultivate a positive outlook and be kind to others. List all the things you like about yourself; your achievements.
Granted, this can take practice and getting to this point can be a work in progress that takes time, and that’s okay, but its one that will see us gradually emerge much more confident, with a personal style that appears more effortless and natural. Nurture and boost your self-belief!
Get Comfortable Celebrating Your Uniqueness
Spend time alone and maybe even do some more journaling (I strongly recommend journaling practice) around what you consider to be your unique identity. This will help you to gain confidence in your choices rather than worrying about negative people and what they might think.
Really take that time to connect with who you are, your unique qualities and how you will celebrate those qualities. Remember, style is completely inclusive – it’s not about age, shape or size. Take time to understand your body shape and how you can make the very best of you – everyone has this opportunity. Think about what fits you well, what fits with your personality and your lifestyle. What colours suit you. What makes you feel good and why – are there any positive experiences you can reflect upon while wearing certain items? Identify themes in your wardrobe. Does your current wardrobe reflect how you see yourself?
Once you understand or connect with these points on a deeper level, you will be on your way to cultivating that inner strength and drawing out confidence. Step into the spotlight knowing that you are working on becoming the best version of yourself!
Stand Tall
Think about how you carry yourself and how you will enter a space. Because your muscles are directly connected to your brain’s emotional centre, how you carry yourself affects your state of mind, possibly without you even realising it. Experiment with this idea.
Take a deep breath, slowly release and repeat. You will find this calming. Then step into a room with intention. Practice walking with a fluid and natural, un-rushed stride, staying relaxed while maintaining any eye contact, where necessary. Stand tall – imagine an invisible string pulling from the top of your head and keep your shoulders back and posture relaxed – no slouching. These simple things will help you to feel calmer and portray more confidence. Harness your inner power!
Fake It Till You Make It!
What is the best fashion accessory? Stop press, it’s not the designer shoes that you cannot walk in (and therefore can never look effortless and comfortable in). It is indeed your smile, your inner confidence and your convictions! You are relaxed, comfortable and authentic – yes you are! Again, combat any negative self-talk immediately and talk yourself up. Yes, everything is a work in progress so - fake it till you make it!
The Great Digital Detox
In recent times, I’ve often felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information out there in the online world. We are literally bombarded with other people’s carefully curated lifestyles on social media, not to mention professional photography, expensive garments and accessories – many of which are actually gifted, loaned or even purchased to send back, and not least, some exotic locations. Is it any wonder that people of all ages become a little swept along with all of that and begin to question themselves, before going on to seek some form of external validation?
While in this day and age we may not wish to survive entirely without access to the world wide web, it’s important to recognise that it certainly has a darker side. One that if left unchecked, can leave us feeling burned out, lacking in energy and under pressure without the ability to actually switch off. And with all of that comes the dangerous comparison trap – one that takes us away from what we have and who we are. Don’t let that happen because it will eat away at your confidence.
When shopping online, we are confronted with masses of product and endless choice. We’re surrounded by advertisements telling us what we need to buy to stay current. Trying to make sense of it all and determine what we really need (as opposed to want, or indeed feel we’re expected to want) is like swimming in treacle. Too much choice can be toxic and confusing. Online shopping and pay later deals make it easier to buy on impulse and buying in haste then leads to us creating waste.
Remind yourself that a lot of social media content is indeed heavily edited and that it’s perfectly acceptable to take a digital detox once in a while to give yourself some quiet space to refuel your confidence reserves. Remind yourself - you were born to be real, not perfect!
Look After Yourself
Not just your mental health and outlook (by doing the steps we’ve talked about above), but also in the physical sense. Exercise in a way that fits with your daily routines – this ensures you will stick to the habit. Eat well, and stay accountable, but don’t be hard on yourself by constantly banning foods and treats. Soak in the bath, have an aromatherapy massage, take in a view, dip your toes in the sea - whatever nourishes you.
If you have a sense of physical wellbeing this can indeed help you to feel good and in turn, help with cultivating quiet confidence.
Why Inner Confidence will help you to Dress Well
Finding, building and nurturing your inner confidence will help you to dress well, because it will help you to:
Trust in Maximum Style, Minimum Spend
It’s about owning the look. The look that is yours. It’s not about what you have, but more so about what you do with your pieces and how you feel about the stories behind the purchases. Perhaps they’re not even recent purchases, but just really old pieces out of your wardrobe. Think in terms of creativity over consumption. Anything goes, and getting to this point in our lives also embodies everything that slow fashion is about, if that’s your thing.
In the past, I particularly loved (and looked forward to it in each issue) the old ‘dress for less column’ that appeared in British Vogue – circa 1990s, entitled More Dash than Cash. The concept was about maximising style while minimising spending. Stop Press – style and spending are not related! So yes, it’s okay to spend less!
Find and Embrace Your Creativity
Sometimes, when you’re working around perceived restrictions it can be a huge bonus, although you might not immediately see it that way. Let me explain. I was recently reading an autobiographical book by Sir David Jason, that was gifted to me for Christmas. Many of those who are old enough will remember the actor in the much-loved comedy series of the 1980’s, Only Fools and Horses.
There was a topic that David touched on in his book that really struck a chord with me, and this concerned being inventive and creative - an approach to writing that the Only Fools writer John O-Sullivan had to take.
Being a prime-time comedy show, certain rules had to be adhered to, namely those around swearing, which was definitely a no-go area. What happened was, that those rules pushed the writer to take a very inventive and unconventional approach. He had to find a way to show lead character Del Trotter expressing his frustration with some choice language – as you’d expect, yet there was none he could really use. The end result, however, led to some fine character development. For example, Del had a habit of coming out with snatches of French in moments of exasperation. So, in situations where he might be likely to swear, instead he’d cry out something like “Chateauneuf du Pape!”
It ended up being funny – funnier than traditional swearing, even if it was just something read off a bottle of wine. There’s now swearing in the programme, without actually having swearing in the programme! And, as a result, this artistic refinement shaped a memorable character, the writer doing more with less, and working around circumstances that were perhaps deemed restrictive but in turn, ended up creating something unique.
What I’m driving at here is that you can apply this rule to your closet too. Being forced to be inventive can be a good thing and it can open our pathways to more creativity, and we can draw on our reserves of confidence to support us. You can take inspiration from everywhere – the colours in nature, the weather, plants – you name it. Take risks!
Conclusion
Ultimately, by working on your inner confidence it will help you to be true to yourself and wear what fits with your personality and your lifestyle (and not your fantasy self). You’ll wear what makes you feel good and not necessarily what’s on trend. You’ll not care about other people’s opinions or judgement. You’ll not feel pressured by what your friends and colleagues bought last week.
“Don't be afraid to be different. Embrace your uniqueness and let it shine through in your art. It's what sets you apart and makes you memorable. “ George Clinton.
The fact that you’ll be managing (and hopefully quashing) all your limiting beliefs will help you to achieve this, as well as taking small steps to develop further – perhaps trying out bolder colours or different styles of clothing. Or, you can just keep it simple. Alas, I have to do it again, that is, to quote Coco Chanel:
“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”
So, do you need the perfect body, or a vault full of designer bags and a wardrobe crammed full of brand-new items every season? The short answer? No. Personal style extends way beyond all of that. It’s something that actually has its roots in mindset, and ultimately confidence.
As I, myself, navigate midlife, I realise how important it is to live your best life and to not feel excluded. Or lacking in confidence. So I have a particular passion to help inspire people to thrive not only at this time in their lives, but at any point in their lives. Confidence comes from within, but we can certainly find a boost in dressing well, in conjunction with working on mindset and self-image. With that in mind, I hope this blog is useful and inspiring to those who might need a little boost at this time.
Recommended Reading:
Confidence: 8 Steps to Knowing your worth - Roxie Nafousi
Manifest - Roxie Nafousi
Confident and Killing It - Tiwalola Ogunlesi
The Confidence Journal - Anna Barnes